newborn life.

 newborn life. 

looks a lot like this. 

naps hardcore. 

it also looks a lot like 3am feedings, changing 10,000 poopy diapers and getting peed on. seriously getting peed on SO MUCH. it looks like your previously spotless house being invaded with an obscene amount of blankets, binkies, bottles, and burp cloths. it looks like travis and i speaking nothing but high pitched motherese and exclusively calling each other "mom" and "dad." and speaking in third person. 

"oh mommy needs to eat breakfast! maybe daddy will fix some for her!" 

we basically spend our days and nights gushing over at this kid's face: 

his "ooooh" face. makes it all the time. 

he likes laying out on the blanket and "kicking around" as we call it. 

he smiles at us ALL THE TIME. i know it's not the social smile that we will enjoy in about a month, but the smiles he gives us are not just the short little gassy smiles. i'm his mom. i know these things. 

i must ask you, is there anything sexier than a good looking man holding a baby? nay, i say NAY! 

it must be some kind of evolutionary thing, that you find it so attractive that your partner takes such good care of the tiny human you spend so much time and energy growing. watching travis becoming a father has brought me to tears almost daily. 

becoming a mom is also pretty emotional. how on earth are you running on so little sleep and energy, still recovering from how sore pushing our a baby makes you, taking care of stitches in your crotch, hormones causing your emotions to run hot and cold, feeling anxious and overwhelmed about the complete responsibility you have for this tiny human, and yet you still are overjoyed every time you see his little face? this joy i had no idea existed!

and this is the face remington makes when he poops.

life is good.

can i just say. not being pregnant anymore is THE BEST. THE VERY VERY BEST.

the last month, i thought i felt pretty decent. eating more foods, a lot less nausea. okay, i must have forgotten how great a body can feel because the minute remy was out of me, i felt GREAT. food. oh dear sweet food, how i have missed your delicious smells and tastes. every single meal they brought me in the hospital was the BEST MEAL OF MY LIFE. i'm sorry, i can't seem to express how wonderful it was to eat again and have things taste good, not have to take nausea drugs, and not to be terrified of the smells of food making me sick.

those hospital food trays, with the little covers they put over the food to keep it warm, it was like opening the best present of my life every time i pulled them off and let the hot, steamy smells envelop my face.

the last day of our hospital stay, i walked down to the cafeteria alone to find lunch. i wandered through the room eyeing all the options. sweet and sour chicken? a hamburger? pizza? soup bar? i can eat any of these and i won't get sick! they will tastes good! i stood in the midst of the the hustle and bustle of hospital employees buying their lunch and cried. smelling food and having it smell delicious, realizing i could eat whatever i wanted! good moment.

i have so much more energy! my body feels amazing. travis keeps telling me to slow down, but i just feel so great.

the body is bouncing back too, i suppose the one perk to not eating much for nine months. here's ten days post baby. getting so antsy to go back to the gym and fit into my old clothes again.

don't get me wrong, there have been tough parts too.

the hardest part of recovery and life with a newborn so far has been the emotional trauma from having hyperemesis. the night remington was born, after family had left and we had sent remy to the nursery (until he was hungry and then they were to bring him to be so i could try to breastfeed him.) i completely broke down.  i kept asking travis if it was real, if the pregnancy was really over. laying next to me in that little hospital bed, he held me and let me sob it all out. when you go through something hard, sometimes you just have to hold it all in until it's over, so you can get through it. realizing this pregnancy is really over has been the hard part. last night i had a bad headache, the kind that makes you nauseous. i had a panic attack after brushing my teeth and remembering all the times i didn't have any control over my own body as it retched for months. every time someone makes a comment to me like,

"your next pregnancy probably won't be so bad."
or
"see, wasn't it all worth it?"
or
"are you ready for another one now?"

it's all i can do to keep it together until i'm alone or just with travis. thank goodness for travis, who just holds me and reassures me that it really is over and i never have to do it again.

and this little face always makes everything better.

bedhead much rem? 

 hoping he got my curly hairs.

and as always, another shameless session of "my husband is the greatest."

i did not expect having a baby to bring travis and i so much closer. i thought we were solid before he was born, but that was nothing. i don't even know how to explain the amount of love we now have for each other. i can't believe i was ever afraid travis would love our baby more than me. obviously, that's not how it works, but i couldn't imagine how there could be room in his heart to love us both so much. but there is! and in my heart as well! i know this seems like it should just be common sense. can't express the love, but i'll tell you what, it's the most beautiful thing i've ever known.

that's basically it. newborn life. exhaustion, emotions, anxiety, lots of jokes about butt paste, a diaper rash cream.

in the middle of the night a few nights ago, travis and i were changing remy's diaper, (yeah we kind of do everything together as a team) and putting this cream on remy's little rash.

"PASTE THE BOY!" travis exclaimed.

trust me, it was the funniest thing ever known to man.

all right. i better go hold my sweet sleeping child. plus travis just walked in and asked me what i want for lunch.

life is so strange and so wonderful.

xo