the colors of 50 E North Temple St

reed being home. 

is my favorite. 

he is doing a great job of transitioning 

from being a crazy busy, full time missionary

to being a "civilian" waiting to find out about

job and college applications. 

perfect timing, since

i'm pretty un-busy myself these days.

(and finally feeling so much better! 

more to come in next post.) 

so we decided to head downtown 

and play with our grown up toys. 

(i'm obsessed with {tilt shift} photography at the moment.) 

pretty lighting and the perfect picture taking companion. 

becoming a photographer

oh, hey.

i still have things to say about sexual harassment. and a huge post i have been writing in my head for months about homosexuality/lgbt/whatever you and yours call same sex/gender attraction. see there are too many ideas even just about what to call "it" and by saying "it" i'm sure i'll offend someone out there. this is why i haven't written this post yet. because if i can't even figure out how to approach what to call everything in a way everyone will understand, how am i supposed to talk about the actual topic?

but all those serious posts are coming. it's hard to write about the month of july and everything that happened to trigger my ptsd. but i will get there soon. and talking about homosexuality and our culture usually ends up with me in a white hot rage and wanting to hit many of my lds family members.

today i just want to talk about something shiny and happy. something that makes me feel shiny and happy.


so you know how i started learning to be a photographer this past year? this has turned into an incredible journey for me. i'm slowly building confidence and becoming more assertive in my ability. becoming a photographer has taught me to trust myself, because when someone is paying you to capture those once-in-a-lifetime moments, you have to trust yourself. it's sort of a high for me, that pressure of capturing the perfect shot combined with allowing your creative abilities to take over the controls. all the while you must seem completely confident and capable to your subjects, reassuring them, fixing stray hairs, waiting for a screaming child to stop screaming, and at the same time adjusting your camera's settings, which can feel similar to sitting in the cock pit of a rocket ship, staring at the buttons in awe and horror.

becoming a photographer has also taught to me look at the world in a different way. i notice small things; i appreciate beauty in a different way. i obsess over light.

the first time i shot in manual, controlling all the settings myself, i might as well have levitated ten feet off the ground. 

but it's hard, too. i stress over failure. i worry that i'm a fraud. competition is fierce! i know it takes time to build a client base and make real money, but i still doubt myself.

people say the most hilarious things, too.

"wow, your camera takes really nice pictures!" yep, it's all the camera.
"hey you should bring your camera to my wedding and take some pictures." for free, right?
"why on earth do photographers charge so much? it's ridiculous." have you noticed how expensive professional equipment is? do you have any idea how much time, talent, education, and effort it takes to plan, shoot, edit, and deliver your pictures?

but i love it so much. being a perfectionist, it means that much more when i nail that perfect shot, a beautiful moment captured forever in time. funny how you go 23 years of your life without knowing what you love to do most. i enjoyed psychology very much; it helped me find a voice and a starting place to fight on my soapboxes. but taking pictures just brings me pure joy.

here are some photos my little prime lens and i have taken recently.

i still have so much to learn. with every shoot i have another "ah hah!" moment.

if you want your pictures taken by someone who will love every minute of it, let me know.

go {here} for my photography blog.

and do what you love most!

xo

7.31.2012

two years ago i wore this dress. 

and the most expensive shoes i have ever bought, including running shoes.

posed, preened, and wore flowers in my hair.

and enjoyed feeling the beauty a bride enjoys on her day.

most importantly, i married travis randy bodtcher. 

as i have written many a time, the first year of marriage was tough on us. we were thankful to hit that year mark and move on. now that we have hit the two year mark, it's amazing how great things have become between us. i'm sure if we hadn't gone through that refiner's fire, we wouldn't be as solid as we are today. 

year two definitely threw some curve balls, like house selling, ptsd, and paying for my education. but we did it! 

i've noticed a lot of changes in us in the past year. it seems that we aren't as quick to get angry with each other, even me, and that's a big deal because it turns out i have a slight temper. we have gotten pretty legit at reading each others' minds, even over the phone. we have become better cheerleaders for each other's accomplishments. we seem to have a lot more fun together. something as simple as cooking dinner turns into a party when we are together. watching the olympics together this week has reduced me to tears of laughter, between travis's insanely loud patriotism and our terrible asian and russian accents we use to narrate the events to each other. he is the first person i want to talk to when i get good news. knowing each other so well has turned into not only a safehouse for both of us, but a huge amount of laughter and joking. we are just so happy! the only issue is that we aren't able to spend enough time together between our jobs. it's always a good thing when you wish for more time together, right? 

yesterday was a great celebration of our anniversary. we slept in, had a couple's massage, saw the new batman movie, (because last year on our anniversary we were crazy and watched the first two.) had dinner at teppanyaki, (where we had our wedding luncheon) and went mini golfing. we have a (sometimes) friendly rivalry going, and i'm sad to report travis beat me last night. whomp, whomp, whomp. 

the best part of the day was at dinner. travis looked at me and said, "you know, we really have it together." i asked him if he meant financially, as we are doing better now that we're both working. he told me he meant the two of us, being a married couple. we have it together. it was a battle at first, but we are both so incredibly happy now. love you travis! can't wait to see what next year brings! 

photo credit, liana bodtcher.

where sunflowers grow.

the first time we saw the house that would end up becoming our home, it had just snowed, masking the landscaping with white fluff. everything looks great when it's covered up. then the snow melted and revealed a pit of despair and mud and weeds in front of our house.

so in daybreak, the developers wanted to keep a lot of the land in its natural looking state, long grasses and wildflowers. except that they put in the long grass and took out the weeds. that is one of the things i love about the community, the unique "more than just manicured grass" look of the landscaping. i also love the location of our house. instead of homes in front of us, we have a huge field and an incredible view of the salt lake valley. unfortunately, the developers didn't finish the landscaping in the field right in front of our house. instead, there is a section filled with dirt, loose gravel, and ever growing weeds. when we first moved in, i made a lot of phone calls about this. i called the HOA committee, who directed me to the builder, who then directed me to the HOA committee. no one wants to pay for it. (although our builder did tell us that they probably will end up taking care of it after they build four more homes on the lot next to our neighbors'.)

basically, i was stuck looking out my window at a weed pit. i have cursed that spot of mud and gravel daily since moving in. and then a few weeks ago, one sunflower bloomed. and then another one. and now there is a whole fleet of them. right in front of our house.

(see the tall grass behind the weeds? that is what is supposed to be there.)

they are beautiful! seeing their yellow faces every morning brightens my day so much! i started to think about what i would have missed out on, had the builder finished the landscaping. 

and how the tough things we have to deal with in life sometimes end up leading us to the great things. 

like how i thought moving back from hawaii was the end of my life. but i ended up marrying travis. 

like how i had horrible acne that kept me from doing so many things. but it also kept me from getting close to so many guys i dated who wouldn't have been right for me in the way travis is. 

like how last year when i went back on accutane for my acne, travis and i were driving to a doctor's office i never would have needed otherwise, and we stumbled onto the daybreak community and immediately knew this was where we needed to be. 

like how if i hadn't moved back from hawaii, i never would have taken that gender studies class that helped me to start facing the sexual assault trauma i had buried away. and even though i'm not to the point yet where i can see what good came of the assault, i believe that someday i will understand it better, the way i am starting to understand other trials i have faced in my life. 

we all have struggles. we all deal with things that hurt and that seem impossible. but sunflowers will grow in the patches of weeds that seem so awful. and we will look back and feel thankful for the very things that we struggled with.

xo.

"the colors of farm life"

a few weeks ago, in a cute little boutique, i stumbled onto a picture book called "the colors of paris." inside the book were beautiful photos of paris. all kinds of things, food, buildings, and small details. i decided to copy this book and start featuring "the colors of" wherever i go. this "colors of" spotlights my grandparents' farm in idaho falls. enjoy!

maternal grandparents and their pretty farmhouse

another thing.
both of my parents grew up in idaho falls. when we go up there, we usually stay at my mom's parents'. their home is a classic farmhouse and could be straight out of pinterest.

 my grandpa, a potato farmer, and old fashioned gentleman. 

he tells the greatest stories about the navy and is one of the most welcoming, accepting people i know. 

my grandma, who cooks incredible breakfasts, has great insight, and is a talented painter. 

and she painted these gorgeous plates!

so thankful to have wonderful grandparents, who, i just remembered, are celebrating

 60 years of marriage this year. (holy mole!) 

travis, "we'll be there in no time, only 58 more years." 

ok everyone, collective "ahhw!" moment.

happy sunday. xo