Wednesday, April 27, 2011

horn tooting

ok so i submitted a piece to a feminist blog a few weeks ago, not really thinking it would ever run, but they posted it! on the front page! :) i'm probably more excited than i need to be, but i really hope this explains a little more of what feminism is and why it's so important. it's very personal and i hope it doesn't offend any of you. i meant it to be helpful to anyone who is struggling with these kinds of problems.

this is the link:

check out the rest of the site; it's really great! :)

Monday, April 11, 2011

my obsession with the doodle

i can't stop googling pictures of these:


basketful of doodles!

oh noes! doodle mated with a snuffleupagus !

seriously? have you ever seen such hilarious/adorable animals?

this is where they come from ^

they are allergy friendly, light to non shedding, smart, pleasers, and

extremely expensive. :(

(like everything else i like.
seriously take me to the D.I. and i will accidentally
find the most expensive thing in there
and it will be the thing i want.)

but i am scheming ways to afford one.

this will come to pass. :)

Friday, April 8, 2011

the late night ramblings

disclaimer: this post is way too long and way too ridiculous. don't feel pressured to read.

Nostalgia is a seductive liar. ~George Wildman Ball
Nostalgia is a file that removes the rough edges from the good old days. ~Doug Larson
Nostalgia is like a grammar lesson: you find the present tense, but the past perfect!
~Owens Lee Pomeroy

Everything can be killed except nostalgia for the kingdom, we carry it in the color of our eyes, in every love affair, in everything that deeply torments and unties and tricks.
-julio cortazar

I don't think nostalgia has to be negative.

-van morrison

I know what it's like to be in one place and dream of another. I also know what it's like to feel that nostalgia is a fairly useless thing because it is stasis.
-mira nair

in case it's unclear how i feel tonight, i feel homesick and nostalgic. it all started with my mumford and sons pandora station. you know how sometimes pandora or shuffle on the ipod seems to read your mood and keep playing those songs you love most? tonight as i was washing my face, pandora kept spitting out music i fell in love with when i lived in hawaii. band of horses, coldplay, and glen hansard.

when i lived there, it was like my all emotions were heightened. as i have mentioned before, that island helped me heal from many things that i struggled with. that music played an enormous role in the healing. sometimes i wish i could write those artists and thank them for writing the words i so needed to hear, but i'm sure they receive letters like that on a daily basis.

ever since i was a little girl, i have wanted to go back to "the before." the summer of 5th grade was especially great, and after it ended, i would daydream about those great days. i used to commit certain moments to memory and then go through all the moments over and over, so afraid i would forget the happiness. i guess i really struggle with letting go of good things.

so tonight i have been thinking about all the wonderful events in my life. i remember my first year of college, moving into an apartment filled with half naked gymnasts and football players, playing poker and dani california blasting from their stereo. those muscly girls hauled all my boxes of pots, pans, bedding, and even furniture up three flights of stairs and were welcoming, coarse language and all.

the first meal i cooked after moving out was spaghetti and meatballs, those terrible costco meatballs that you can literally warm up in the microwave. my roomates were impressed. and then i drove home that weekend, a mere four days later. i was speeding and got pulled over. totally pulled the "it's my first time away from home officer; i just miss my parents so much." line and didn't get a ticket. i was going at least 95.

i remember my first love leaving on an LDS mission, and just knowing i couldn't live without him. i saved his all voicemails on my phone, and late at night when sleep wouldn't come, i would listen to them over and over, sobbing. that first love was so sweet, such teenage puppy love, staying out till 4 every morning to go train watching, talking about nothing, and listening to brand new or bayside's acoustic cd. after he left, i couldn't listen to music for a long time.

i remember every time i would come home for a weekend, my three brothers running to the door to hug me. they seemed to grow so much those three years i was gone. it meant the world to me, their excitement. thinking about it now makes me cry. i love those boys so much.

then of course there was the year i spent living in hawaii. that first house, three miles from school, and that purple beach cruiser i borrowed from the tongans sharing our duplex. the first time i met erika dick, i knew we would be friends. she talked a hundred miles an hour while she hung up her colorful clothes in the closet we shared. our toenails were painted the same orange and we laughed about that. she had tegan and sara playing in the background on her laptop.

i remember riding my beach cruiser to the grocery store, tamuras, and smelling fish and mildew. the big brown woman who taught me about pineapples as i was picking one. i remember hitchhiking for the first time, asking the man if he planned on raping me before i would get in his car. we always took our books to the beach and pretended to study. i still have scars on my knees from the mosquito bites i got while talking to travis on the phone outside. we didn't get phone service in the house. he used to stay up late and talk to me, while i paced the beach park across the street from the house. it was usually raining.

obviously i am homesick. it's late and the iron and wine isn't helping at all. i guess the point of all this rambling, is that sometimes i feel like i'm bursting with all these memories that make me who i am. and i look at travis and wonder if he ever feels that way and if i could ever know all the memories that make him, him. and if it even matters. but it seems like it does. do you know what i'm trying to say here? do you ever feel so full of memories and so homesick for those times that you can't stand it almost? not in a sad feeling way exactly, but a filled kind of way?

there's an ingrid michaelson song that goes,

they say that home is where the heart is
i guess i haven't found my home
and we keep driving round in circles
afraid to call this place our own.
and are we there yet?

i really like the way maya angelou put it and i will leave this ridiculous post at this:

You can never go home again, but the truth is you can never leave home, so it's all right.

Thursday, April 7, 2011

all the gross things you never needed to know

so lately i haven't been the best blogger evar. school has been sucking all motivation from my soul. oh but i love it so much! if i could just go to school for the rest of my life and not have to pay for it...


this is a small recap of life the past couple months.

  • random jaw popping pain.
ok so when i started dieting, of course i had to have a replacement for my addiction to sweet food. i started chewing gum. like, a pack of gum in thirty minutes. in the back of my head it was like, "ok this is too good to be true... it's like candy without the calories! this will catch up to you." about a month ago, i woke up with this terrible pain in my ear. positive i had an ear infection, we went to the doctor that very same day. turns out, we paid instacare 40 bucks for the young, fiercely cocky doctor to tell me to stop chewing gum. apparently i have given myself arthritis and gotten my jaws all out of whack. somehow that hurts my ear. well i stopped chewing gum, but started chewing licorice and salt water taffy. so now, i have this terrible, jaw bone grinding, pop! anytime i swallow. this will not end well... ha!

maybe it's like this for you, but i swear i always have the most random sicknesses/physical problems! there was the terrible case of hives i had senior year, covering my entire body and face and head and they were literally the size of dinner plates. lasted one day.

then there was the time in my first year of college, we went hot tubbing. a few days later, i developed BOILS all over my body - boils filled with PUS and that took three months to go away. my roommates probably thought i had an std. some crazy bacteria. did anyone else who went hot tubbing that night get them? no way hosea.

then there's always the story about my first trip to the gyno. not sure it's really internet appropriate, but it involved the creepy old man, the scared 17 year old (me, lol this isn't that weird, you perv!) passing out and falling off the table, bumping my head. the doctor told me to stay put while he got some juice but i threw my pants back on and peaced out of there.

good grief i didn't mean for this post to turn into all the grossest things ever. back to the bullets?

  • gardening!
we went flower shopping (!) and now have the most beautiful yard ever. if you remember our racist neighbor and his snarkish comments about our yard, you'll understand why i have to beat his yard this year. his grass really is extremely green though.

  • new windows and the new front door. pictures soon to come.
  • i'm all set up to graduate next spring. now i am trying to decide what master's program is the best fit. and next fall i get to start volunteering at the rape recovery center. there is a light at the end of the academiatunnel.
  • travis's new name for himself: housewife bodtcher. he also has a theme song which i will try to catch on tape for you. but i don't know how i would do it without him. he does so much around the house and takes such great care of me. i try not to write about how great he is every post, but being married and in school has been the easiest semester ever.
basically life around here is the same as always. constantly laughing and running around in socks seeing who can slide the furthest down the hardwood floored hallway.

travis weighs more and that is the ONLY reason he always wins.

good night!

spring break in st. george

for spring break, travis and i drove to st george
to stay with my grandparents.

it was a much needed vacation.

we hiked snow canyon.

yes. it was necessary for him to even take video of this beaut.

-we spent time with my family, played hand and foot with the senior citizens from my grandparents retirement community, went to the st. george temple, and ate so much food! we went to an art exhibit, had a romantic bike ride at sunset, and went house hunting for travis's dad.

-we also learned that the extremely thin walls at my grandparents' weren't a newlywed's best pal.

-we laughed nonstop for the whole week. if there is something travis and i have going for us, it's our ability to be silly with each other, tease each other, and find humor in everything. driving down, i saw this huge, black, flapping shape on the side of the freeway. i thought it was an enormous bird, and pointed, saying, "WOW!" really loud. then i looked at travis to see what he thought about it, and he had this look on his face, like i was crazy. turns out the dark shape was a garbage bag. travis looks over to see his wife freaking out over a trash bag on the side of the road.

the rest of the trip he would periodically screech, "ka kaw ka kaw!" (bird sounds.)

marriage = hilarious.

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