to be alive

choked up sobs for joy, japanese voices outside my window, a piano and violin's duet, paddling the ocean till my arms give out, a pink and blue and yellow sunset over palm trees, throwing the shaka, taking stiff laundry off the line smelling of ocean, hukilau cafe, stray cats with no tails, praying to God, narrow streets and brown children running, the couple smoking weed by laie elementary, morning runs to the ocean,"auntie! auntie!" subject verb agreement, having two desk hours in a row, holding your hand, being the only white woman in class, chili and rice for lunch, a circle of flags colors so bright, "no can" bambo under my bare feet, sadness you can touch, cane spiders as big as my face, tracing the moon's footsteps, salt water stinging my bloody knees, getting dressed dance parties, stolen kisses in the parking lot at tamuras, wishing, acai bowls and sweaty faces, whitemom blackdad brownchild, loving, letters and smiles, fresh pineapple so prickly, screaming to the wide open sky, following sirius, saying yes and no, shuffle, laughing the same in every language.