a breakthrough?

tonight i was getting ready for bed. washing my face, brushing my teeth, that whole bit. that image in the mirror glared at me, wondering "why aren't you perfect yet?"

all day every day i look at women around me and compare myself. she's thinner, she's got nicer hair, her skin is flawless, look at her long legs- etc etc. i should use all those minutes focusing on school, or music, or serving my fellow men, or anything else.

in my woman's studies class this week we have been talking about body image. i actually taught the class about it. about how it's evolved over the centuries and become the monster it is today. how technology starting clear back with mass printing to now with computers and photoshop has impacted the way human beings think women should be. yes yes yes. we all know this. too bad knowing this doesn't make it easier to like our imperfect selves.

so as i was getting ready for bed, i was having one of those fake conversations we all have. (i hope) like where we are just talking to ourselves but we pretend that the other person is there. i was pretending to talk to my women's studies teacher, dr. christiansen. i was arguing with her about being able to like myself.

dc: you know that perfection is unattainable. stop beating yourself up about it.
me: i'm just so tired of never being happy with myself. i feel like i'll never be enough.

and then dc said something that really shocked me.

dc: guess what? you won't. you'll never be enough to satisfy what the world thinks you should look like. no one will. and that's ok.

and even though i was alone in that bathroom and i knew that, sorta, it shocked me. shocked me to think that she would say ill never be enough. and that it's ok to never be enough for the world.

then i realized that i had said that, not my teacher. possibly the most shocking part of all.