being mother.

happy.
right now i am feeling bathed in it.
what a feeling.

today was one of those good days. when everything lines up. when you get to take two naps with your sweet smelling baby, cuddling up in your bed together. when he spends more time laughing than crying and sees wonder all around him while you watch.

i love being remington's mother. nuzzling his plump cheeks with my face and planting kisses on his neck. the joy you feel when he crawls past everyone else in the room and stops at your feet, climbing up to your knees and begging to be held. playing peek-a-boo and knowing that you are the one are putting that huge grin on his delighted face.

oh, it is so hard. endless tasks, most of them smelling awful. changing diapers, making bottles, cleaning bottles, wiping orange goo off of hands and face, giving a bath, wringing out the bath mat, trying to cajole two legs into tiny pants, entertaining him with songs and books, loading the carseat and stroller in and out in and out, packing the diaper bag, wiping snot, wiping spit up, wiping poo, blocking off the stairs, pulling hands away from power chords and house plants, enduring crying and whining and screaming, supervising a tiny human who doesn't speak english all day and all night. trying to teach him right and wrong. hoping he knows how special and loved he is.

am i doing any of this right? you often wonder.

then you carry his little sleeping body up the stairs, shushing him when he stirs. he opens his eyes, sees it's you, and nestles closer. reassured. all is well. mother is near.

you are doing this right. every bit of it.
love washes over you and warms your soul.
there is nothing else
that matters.

xo.