insert foot in mouth, rinse and repeat

obviously, travis is at work and i'm supposed to be doing homework. otherwise, i wouldn't write two ridiculously long blog posts in one day. but some funny stuff happened last weekend and i figured i should document.

i have a small problem. some know it as the "foot-in-mouth" syndrome. it appears to be getting worse as time goes on.

disgusting.

not only do i frequently put my foot in my mouth, i am getting worse about just blurting out what's on my mind. enjoy a few of my recent experiences starting with the most recent:

as i have expressed, i'm getting pretty frustrated with selling our house. it's becoming almost a sensitive topic. so this morning on our walk with charlie, when our sweet old neighbor said, "i guess you're not leaving us yet?" i answered, rather curtly, "we're trying!" she didn't say anything else and travis gave me the look.

noice.

a few days ago i was heading home from school. the train was extra crowded and as we shuffled in, the entire train was greeted by the rantings of an angry woman. "get out of the way! i have to be able to see my kids!" the poor soul stepped out of the way, only for her to yell, "ow! now you're on my left toe!" she turned to her friend and whined, loudly enough for everyone to hear, about how uncomfortable she was. we were practically standing on each other and as the train sped down toward the city, everyone jerked forward and back. her friend said, " i think there was more space in the first train." to which the angry woman replied, "then why did everyone get on this one?" she was still speaking in her outside voice, meaning for us to hear how upset she was.

naturally, i opened my mouth and called out, "because we were all waiting in line for this one!"

she looked shocked that i had said anything. but i didn't stop there.

"you say you're uncomfortable, but you're the one sitting in a seat; we're all standing on top of each other. so maybe you should just keep your mouth shut."

everyone on the train looked amazed. a few quiet chuckles escaped. the woman looked to her friend for support and then stammered, "well i wasn't talking to you, so maybe you should mind your business."

to which i replied, "everyone on this train can hear you complaining, so it is my business."

awkward... luckily her stop was long before mine, because the way she and her friend kept whispering and pointedly looking at me, i know she would have kicked my ash.

moving on to last weekend.

travis and i joined my family for a little getaway in island park, idaho, where my grandparents own a cabin. my mom and i dropped the guys off for a long day of fishing and then we headed out to the idaho state fair. great time, blah blah. by the time we went to retrieve the menfolk and their boat, it was dark out. while my mom (so i thought) was backing up the trailer into the dock, i walked down to say hi to travis. i was standing above on the dock and called down to him. he was talking to a medium height, bald man, who could only be my father. i made a joke and the man laughed. while he was laughing, he put a cigarette into his mouth and lit up.

"dad!? are you smoking a cigarette!?" i asked in a very loud, concerned voice and then realized-

"are you my dad?"

he was not.

ok, now let's go back another few months.

one of my favorite cousins was in town and was bringing her boyfriend over to meet the family. i was really excited to see her and to meet this guy she had told me all about. so we meet him, it's going great, and he seems like a great guy. then my dad asks him what he does for work.

"i weld potato beds."

only it sounded more like, "ahh waalld poe tae tah bades." pretty heavily accented.

well if you know me well, you know that i am constantly speaking in different accents, because i think it's hilarious. i even teach sunday school in a russian accent sometimes.

so, when her boyfriend says this, naturally, i repeat what he said, only i accent it like, a hundred times more heavily, so that i sound like a completely uneducated farmer. oh and really loudly too, like when some people are trying to get hispanic people to understand english by yelling.

"AHH WAAALLD POE TAE TAH BAAADES."

silence.

until my mom scolds, "collette!" and my dad mercifully changes the subject, and travis gives me the look.

turns out the boyfriend had just returned from a mission in texas, and the accent was probably heavily influenced by this fact.

it's not all bad, this foot in mouth business.

turns out i laugh all the time.




(if this cousin happens to read this, i'm really sorry if i hurt any feelings. it was not intended. i don't have a problem with texan accents and was only trying to bond with the boyfriend.)