condoms and gluesticks.

disclaimer: this post talks about condoms. if that makes you uncomfortable, just click the little red X at the top right. but, with that opening line, you're probably going to keep reading.

i'm taking accutane right now. it's my second go 'round and it's working great. maybe sometime i'll get brave and post my before and after pictures. some serious pimple-idge. anyway, if while you're taking accutane, you should happen to get knocked up, your baby will be born without ears. and some other sad birth defects. so while i'm taking accutane, travis and i have to use two forms of birth control. i chose the iud and condoms. (last time i took accutane was before we were married, so i got to claim abstinence as my birth control. how cool is that?)

well, buying condoms is always a pretty good time. first off, you get to stand in the awesome FAMILY PLANNING aisle, right next to the vagisil and monostat. and for some reason, it's always late at night, and the florescent glow adds some real romance to the occasion. last time we went condom buying, as we stood there, studying options (glow in the dark! warming and cooling! ribbed for her pleasure! - i'm sorry, but warming and cooling all up in my business just seems like a bad idea.) anyway, we're standing there staring, and this woman walks up and stands next to us. she looks pretty upset about something. then, she abruptly grabs a pregnancy test, mutters under her breath, and stomps off. we felt pretty bad for her, but appreciated the drama.

well last night was that blessed time again. luckily for us, school supplies were on sale so we picked up some glue sticks for 50 cents. after playing the game of "whose blood pressure is the lowest?" (it was mine, btw, but travis did beat me in lowest pulse. and i know that should be "lower" not "lowest" but "lowest" sounds more like an actual game name.)

oh ps, there are some condoms called "magnums" that are for the extra large and i feel really strange about that because of magnum guns. so if you're extra large, it's a gun... and that's pretty frightening and freaky to think about. geeze, what does that do for the self esteem of the guys not buying magnum? why does a man's self esteem need to be centered on size? why is extra manliness associated with guns and therefore, violence? oh and the packaging is pretty intimidating, too. (no pun intended...)



anyway, we picked out our non-magnum condoms and headed up to the front to checkout. i handed our cashier the booty and our good-find-gluesticks. when you buy condoms, the cashier always does this double take and then tries to act like he didn't just picture you... buying condoms. so our cashier, a young strapping lad, does the double take and i'm not going to let that go unnoticed. so i said, "should make a pretty good combination right?" he started stammering and laughing, saying, "um... i guess the glue would help against the pregnancy thing right? or something?"

thanks man, that's a new one.

travis and i walked out laughing, with him telling me that once again, i have gone too far.