talking to strangers.

last night i was finally able to do something i have been waiting to do this whole pregnancy.

since most of this experience has been spent laying on the couch, i haven't had many of those funny and/or awkward experiences with strangers many pregos report having. it took until i was in the third trimester for a stranger to even notice i was pregnant, or at least pregnant enough to say something to my face about. dangerous waters, asking a woman if she is expecting.

so last night, my brother and his cute girlfriend and i are standing in line at kohl's. the cashier looks at me and says, "hey, congratulations!"
i focus on keeping every muscle in my face still. "on what?"
looking down at my obvious belly, he seems confused, but keeps wading in deeper. "on... on the baby?"
"baby? what are you talking about?" i ask in an offended voice.
then he apologizes up and down and appears mortified until the three of us burst into laughter and reassure him that yes, i'm very much pregnant and that i have been dying to embarrass someone like this.

so then the cashier starts doing that thing everyone does when they talk to a pregnant woman, talking all about their own experiences with pregnancy. unfortunately, this man makes a big mistake and says this. "i totally get it, my wife and i have five kids of our own."
eyebrows raising. "well, no, actually you don't get it. your wife gets it, but sorry pal, you don't get to say that to me."
a woman standing in line behind me starts nodding her head in agreement.
the cashier doesn't know how to stop himself though.
"well us men have to go through quite a bit ourselves you know, putting up with-"
i cut him off mid sentence. "no. you do not get to say that. whatever you went through is not what your wife went through, sorry."
several other women have joined the conversation at this point, all agreeing. "she's right! men don't get it!"
poor cashier bit off too much. he admits defeat.

then he says the other thing everyone tends to say to pregnant women.
"you better get as much sleep as you can, because when that baby comes, you will never sleep again." he looks at reed, points his finger and says, "you too buddy, say goodbye to your sleep." (probably the 3rd time my younger brother has been mistaken for the father of my child.)
reed smiles at him while taking his receipt and says, "why would i lose sleep? i'm her brother."
the cashier quickly looks back to me and i tell him, "yeah, we have no idea who the father is."

and the three of us howl with laughter and walk outside.