36: contractions, cute fireman, and coming to terms with pushing a baby through a vagina.

want to know what's a little mind blowing? 

being 36 weeks pregnant. 

it's like, um is this really my life? is it possible to be larger than i am right now? will i ever be able to walk up a flight of stairs without running out of breath again?  there really is a baby, like a human baby, in there, huh? has this seriously been going on for THIRTY SIX WEEKS OF MY LIFE? 

weird stuff, i'm telling ya. 

so far week 36 has been pretty fantastic. 

yesterday, as usual, i was at my parents' house around dinnertime. my dad whipped up this delicious chicken stir fry with carrots and green beans and ginger, YUMMO, and not only was i able to eat all of it, two helpings, i stayed in the kitchen while he cooked it, instead of running waddling for cover in the basement to get away from the nausea making smells. still taking the zofran and pepcid before breakfast and dinner, but every week i am less and less nauseous. you kind of forget what life is like without that constant companion. let me tell you, NAUSEA-FREE LIFE IS GRAND. 

went two whole weeks without getting hydration. (!) 

had several beautiful baby showers, pictures to come someday, and had a good time organizing remy's room. can't wait to get his nursery all set up and beautiful. 

geez remy, spoiled much? 

my friend lilian had her baby, a gorgeous baby boy with tons of dark hair.

i thought travis was going to steal him when we visited lilian and derrick at the hospital. man, that guy looks cute holding a baby.

speaking of travis, check out the sexy business of him in turnout gear. (he's on the left.) firemen are some strange creatures. before i knew travis, i figured fire fighters were all about fire prevention. (which, officially, they are, of course.) but the real truth is that for a fire fighter, nothing could be more like shooting heroin than running into a burning building, smashing down windows and walls, and hosing out flames that are hot enough to melt your gloves, which is what happened to travis in this fire.

i have lost track of how many times i've heard this.
"yeah we got paged out on a fire, but the freakin' home owner had already put it out by the time we got there!" like, these guys are genuinely upset that the fire didn't spread and damage anything.
i love fire fighters.

travis was pretty proud of the amount of soot and ash accumulated from the fire.


so all around, so far it's been a great week. but the best part for me, was a pretty neat discovery.

i am no longer afraid of giving birth.
this is huge for me.

let me explain how this happened.

for one thing, i have been educating myself. for me, this has always been the best cure for fear, education. you may remember how much i love being a student? so i had a good talk with myself and decided i was going to approach labor as if i were studying for a test, probably the most important test i've ever taken. so how did i prepare myself for any other test? get that info into my brain!

i read meghan's book, mind over labor, which started helping me to think about birth in a different way, that i could be in control of the experience, that i have options. i'm still struggling with the notion that my body is perfectly designed to grow and deliver a baby, because the growing part was such a battle. obviously, my body didn't like being pregnant. but the idea that my uterus, cervix, and vagina will work in harmony to expel a baby (seriously!?) is less and less freaky and more and more believable.

after that book, i read liana's copy of hynobirthing, the mongan method. this book had a very interesting history of birth and why we think about birth the way we do. and then the part i thought sounded crazy until i read the book: how to train yourself to go into self hypnosis and deep relaxation to control pain and allow your body to work correctly during labor. go {here} for a more in depth explanation. pretty fascinating stuff.

the book came with several CDs to help you practice breathing and relaxation exercises. i was skeptical, but they work. so well that sometimes i fall asleep while i practice them, such a deep sleep i don't realize i'm asleep until i wake up three hours later. i don't know how the relaxation will go when i'm in extreme pain, but i'm excited to try it out.

travis and i also watched the documentary, the business of being born. be prepared to see loads of boobs if you watch this. travis was a little traumatized, i think. i was delighted to discover that watching women give birth didn't send me into fits of tears, though. the difference was that these women were in different positions than the ones i had previously seen. i have a lot of negative feelings about spreading my legs, feet in the stirrups, and having doctors poking around down there, completely out of my control. watching women giving birth sitting up or in a tub, not with their parts totally exposed, wasn't scary at all.

and then i have also been looking into epidurals, how they work, what the risks are, etc. getting my birth plan all set. it's really hard to know what you will want in a situation you have never been in, with a pain level you have only heard explained to you. i don't want to commit to going unmedicated, because maybe in those moments, i'll want the medication. i do want to arm myself with preparation and knowledge so that if i feel able to go without the meds, i'll be ready.

most importantly, i no longer want an elective c-section. (!)

okay, that was long. now for the experience this week that led to the cool discovery of not being afraid of giving birth.

a few days ago travis and i were at ikea, buying a changing table and i started having contractions. i've been having the painless, practice braxton hicks contractions for the past few weeks. these contractions were not those. obviously, the pain level was far from what labor will be like, but these ones hurt. enough that i had to stop walking, bend over, and hold onto whatever was in closest grabbing reach. we started timing them. three to four minutes apart, lasting a minute and a half. i ended up finding a chair, because i couldn't keep up with travis. he found the changing table, bought it, and we left. the contractions lasted two hours, and then slowed down.

then later that night, my mom and i were out shopping at walmart and they started coming again, this time with even more intensity. three to four minutes apart, lasting a minute and a half. painful enough that walking was hard work. this lasted another hour, and then they slowed down again, but during the night, they were painful enough i woke up a few times. by morning, they were mostly gone.

the thing that was so surprising, was how exciting it was! i didn't feel any fear, just pure excitement that maybe this was it! maybe remington was making his appearance and we were going to meet him! i welcomed the pain, (again, i know this pain is nothing compared to what will come.) because the pain meant these contractions might be the real thing. i loved seeing the looks on travis and my mom's faces, looks of such excitement. i am so ready to give birth! seriously, who the H am i? never thought i would say that.

well that's pretty much it.
now to get back to the ridiculous amount of obsessive cleaning and organizing going on. all i want to do is clean everything in sight. think i'll go tackle the hall closet next.

worrying about things is way scarier than dealing with them.
so ready to face and conquer this lifetime worry of mine, giving birth.

xo