time to kill and gifts from mother nature

it's friday morning. i don't have school fridays. i slept in until 9 today and i have done absolutely nothing except watch ugly betty and shop online for rugs. and bistro sets for the patio. don't worry. i haven't spent any money. so this is why i am posting yet another silly sonreir piece.

*side note: the name of my blog, sonreir, has special meaning to me. sonreir is a spanish verb meaning 'to smile'. i have kept this word on the banner of my phone (you know how some phones give you the option to keep a word in the middle of the screen) for the past four years. :) it reminds me not to take life too seriously and to smile.

so after that crazy man on trax, i have been thinking about all the funny things that happen to me. it seems that i am always put in situations that are awkward and silly. i don't know if i just capitalize on them more than other people or if they really do happen all the time. either way, i was remembering some of the great moments from last year and thought i would share one of my favorites.

treadmill farts

so i work out at gold's gym. for those of you who don't, they have a room called cardio cinema. this room has a butt ton of cardio equipment like treadmills, stationary bicycles, ellipticals, etc. and then there's the huge movie screen in front. there are dim lights on the walls, much like a movie theater has. it's a great place to hide in the dark and work up a good man-sweat. (some women have the luxury of "glistening" but i am not one of these fortunate. i sweat like my dad.)



so the gym, like any other public place, has a set of unspoken rules. you know, like clean up your equipment when you're finished, give people appropriate space, mop up your man-sweat with a clean towel, clean the machine when you're done, don't stare for too long at someone's nice body parts i.e. backside, abs, **fake cleavage, etc. you know the drill.

**i take no issue with fake boobs. i plan to get some myself when im forty and things aren't so perky.

so in the cardio cinema there are the same kinds of unspoken rules, but the added twist is that movie theater rules also apply, say don't talk to your neighbor during the movie. well, one morning im going to town on the elliptical and an older, bigger man gets on the one next to me. even though there are clearly 64 empty ones not so close to me. he gets on and starts going and immediately turns to me and says, "oh i love this movie! it's so funny! what's it called? what's it about again?"

the movie playing was how to lose a guy in ten days, one of my all time favs. (lol) and if this guy loves the movie so damn much, how come he has to ask me what it's about. so i quietly give him the title of the movie and then pointedly look back at the screen. he does not take the hint and keeps talking to me about the movie and i notice he is staring at my bod. in a not so subtle way. this room is dark and this man is creeping me out. so after ten more minutes of this, i decide to take matters into my own hands.

during the middle of his comment to me about the movie, i let out a fart. not a "testing the waters fart" but a full blown, rumbler. it's so loud that he stops talking. wait, did she just...?

oh yes middle aged creeper. she did.

and then, luckily for me, my "wind" so to speak, was not only loud, but was accompanied with an offensive odor. clear-the-room offensive. i watched as the smell wafted his way and in the dim light could see him stiffen and his face wrinkle in disgust. then, for good measure, i let out another. it was even louder. and the smell was in full force. he kept looking at me in disbelief as i let out seriously half a dozen more.

then without any warning, he got off the elliptical even though he had a good five minutes left on his workout. and i was in that dark room giggling all alone.

thank you mother nature, for sending me the finest weapon at the right moment.