homesick. well, more than usual homesick.

it's sunday night. the night all college students dread. you have to finally pull out those books and pull up your word documents and deal with everything you put off since thursday night. because tomorrow is monday and shit's due. 'n shit.

and i might be in a swearing mood tonight.

i just finished an assignment i should have been working on for the last month. don't worry, i did it all in one afternoon. now i have a stats quiz looming in my near future.

being a student when you're married is NOT a good time anymore.

being a student when you live in a dumpy house and have old couches that have who-knows-what embedded in their cushions, dirty kitchens, and crowded refrigerators. THAT'S where it's at. it's always a party, there are always people around to meet, to flirt with, and to distract you from your piles of homework. a roommate has always baked something gooey and warm, and there's always a pint of ben and jerry's in the freezer to help you out.

being a college student while being married = a freakishly clean house, (clean enough to have a showing at any moment) a gorgeous brand new fridge that you get all to yourself, but it's costing an arm and a leg and you don't have any food inside until wednesday when the husband gets paid. being married to a fireman = a LOT of alone time. and i gave up ben and jerry's a long time ago. it might be a lot easier to stop going to school and get a job to help pay for that freakishly clean house.

plus in the past seven days, travis worked a grand total of 112 hours.
96 of those hours at the fire station.
that's four days and nights of alone time for moi.
and travis and i saw each other for a whopping 45 hours in the past week.
including sleep.
that's like your average joe's normal workweek.
basically travis is my full time job.
lol.


so a lot of times it seems like the college party is over and gone.

don't get me wrong. I appreciate SO much that travis works hard to pay for our many expenses and my tuition. he is tired all the time so that i don't have to work while i'm in school. travis is basically the best.

just sometimes, or rather, most times, when i'm alone at night i remember what it's like to have a rip roaring social life and people around me all the time. i really miss living with girls, as strange as that is. i miss the constant party and giggling about inappropriate things. i miss those girls who got me through breakups, crappy dates, bad test scores, and getting a little fat. i miss my suu roommates who stashed tequila under the sink and went to the gym with me. i miss those hawaii girls and our bus rides, beach trips, and adventures.

i should have appreciated it more.

and i know if i'm not careful, i'm going to go through my entire life saying that about the past.

in a few years, when my quiet house is full of lively toddlers and babies, i'll probably look back at this time of solitude and peace with longing. it really seems to be the hardest thing for me, to just live in the place i am currently and enjoy it.

oh this life thing we do, it's harder than we think it will be sometimes.
but we always get through it.
so i'm going to go deal with the present, and do that stats homework.
and hey, living without roommates allows me to focus better and my gpa is pretty damn awesome. :)

xo