six months ago today

Travis Randy Botcher married me.

it was July 31, 2010, a saturday morning.
he came over as i was finishing up my hair.
of course i was freaking out.
"it looks bad! i should have had someone
do it for me!"
i was being a bit grumpy about it.
travis calmed me down, as always.

he drove us to the temple in his
black toyota tacoma, the
car he picked me up in
for our first date
almost two years before.
he was all smiles.
his new suit looked so handsome
and his blue eyes literally sparkled.

the salt lake city temple
was everything i had ever dreamed of
white and cream and glittering chandeliers
happy attendants directing us to the right rooms.
the man who sealed us together was
wise, kind, and clever.
my dad cried.
holding travis's hand over the alter
i felt a kind of love and peace
i had never known before.

the luncheon and reception
turned out perfectly
even with all the rain.
my grandparents danced for the band
getting soaked with huge smiles
on their faces.
i sang for travis, a song
i had known for years
and wanted to find the man
it was talking about.

family, friends, loved ones
all there celebrating the love
and commitment we made.
at the end of the night
it felt perfectly natural to
leave together.
to start a new life.

it's not always easy.
and even though i get
upset sometimes.
and consider blowing our
savings to fly to a
beach somewhere, alone,
(i've never gone so far as to
look up flights mind you)
i would never trade the
past six months
for anything.
i'm the luckiest girl
to have married travis
and i love him more than words.

thanks for putting up
with me for the past six months
darling :)
hope the next six are even better.

love you!

life 2011

(pictures compliments of melissa robbins)

it's friday. i don't have school on fridays. i had planned on being superproductive and working on school, doing homework, and cleaning. so far today i have
-spent time with travis :)
-worked on music with benny. :)
-played with four little puppies. :)

so the homework cleaning working out thing. not so much.

school started. it's going really well! at first i was pretty overwhelmed with all the reading each teacher assigns. (seriously, do they think their class is the only one i'm taking?) but now that it's been a few weeks, im feeling better about all the stress.

i am taking 13 credits, mostly because i can't afford to take more than that. intro to psy, psy 2010, cultural traditions of asia, and gender and contemporary culture. the university of utah is my third college, and probably least favorite of the three for a few reasons.

-the giant size. suu and byuh were tiny school, allowing the students to get to know each other better, smaller class sizes, etc. it is nice that my teachers wouldn't notice if i'm not there, but still.

-it seems that the professors at the u, mind you i have only had six so far, are pretty academia crazed. like, im an undergrad, i don't want to be spoken to in your gradspeak language. i don't understand that yet. please dumb down your lectures and actually teach or find a new career. im not paying you thousands of dollars in tuition money so you can talk at me about how smart you are.

so my gender studies teacher is pretty intense. the other day she was talking about the bible and the story of genisis.

"god created man. man was lonely. (making mocking finger quotations here) god took a rib from adam and created woman to be his subordinate."

ok so yeah, it's a gender studies class. i figured we would be discussing homosexuality and sexual preference. i didn't think my teacher would be teaching her personal opinion so freely. if i raised my hand and said some right wing conservative bit about gay marriage (which isn't necessarily my opinion, just being extreme here) she would be pretty upset. but she can sit there and misquote the bible and mock my beliefs and not expect to be contradicted.

we did get into an argument about gay marriage on the second day of class. i was saying that both sides feel like the other side is infringing on their rights. gays for the obvious reason, and the other side feeling like their beliefs are being compromised. she said, i understand what you're trying to say, but i don't agree. she didn't agree that someone else had another opinion. she was pretty upset and now i wonder if she will grade me differently because i got her riled up.

anyway. enough about school. my brother left on his mission. travis and i have sold five of the puppies. life is good.

the other day when i got off trax coming home from school i walked to my car. inside, was a book i have been wanting for months sitting on the steering wheel with a note love you. this is my equivalent to receiving flowers. :) when i got home the whole house was clean, laundry done, and yardwork done. seriously, i can't say enough about how wonderful travis is. :)

enjoy some puppy pictures :) that one of me shows off my not showered, not made up face. gross :)

nothing to do with you

wrote this tonight. it's on the way to becoming a song with melody, chords, and benny shell on guitar.

and it's about the love of my life.



don’t come over here
looking at me that way.
don’t try talking
those fancy words at me.


you’re not the one for me
don’t fit into my plans.
i’m dreaming big and tall
don’t try to slow me down.



cause darling, i had it all figured out.
i knew just what to do.
have a life and a house and a pretty little love
and nothing to do with you.



think you impress me with
those good looks and your charm?
think you can win me over
using tricks like that?



think again.



(guitar, mandolin, and piano instrumental)



no i can’t take it
when your hand is holding mine.
don’t want to feel your mouth
so warm and slow and fine.



cause darling, i had it all figured out.
i knew just what to do.
have a life and a house and a pretty little love
and nothing to do with you.



just stay away from me
stop showing that you care.
take back your good jokes
all of our chemistry and flair.



(bridge)
you’re not the one for me
regardless of those eyes.
the way they see into the
secret places, long lost places,
pain i’ve hidden, joy you’re bringing
fear of falling, love i’m feeling-



so darling, we have it all figured out.
i know just what to do.
have a life and a house and a pretty little love,
and all i want to do is
all i want to see is
all i want to love is you.

molding heads and showering with pals

so.

life is good. im back to my old self. the self that intends to kick ass in school next week, pumped iron in the gym this morning, and enjoys pouring cold water on travis while he's in the shower.

should have showered with me pal.

good things that have happened this week thus far:

1. in church sunday, an older woman was speaking (i have nothing against older women by the by, just that they speak so much sometimes) she was going on and on and i will admit, my mind wandered. until, i heard "and then the boy fell off the wagon and the wagon ran over his head. and flattened his head. and that was a bad thing." WHAT??? yes, i would say that would be a bad thing. then she continued, "and the man gathered the boy's head in his hands and (delicately here) molded the head back together in his hands." this woman was completely void of emotion and talking as though she were discussing how to make a turkey sandwich. and maybe im just looking for things to laugh at but i thought it was hilarious. and i laughed. alone.

2. travis has to be the sweetest man alive. he is constantly rubbing my back, running outside to the car to grab whatever i forgot, saying, "no you look comfortable; ill push play/bring you water/serve you dinner etc. and then he is always looking over at me and saying "how did i marry someone so HOT!?" with so much enthusiasm even if it's in the morning and i really don't look good. he puts up with my listening to the same song over and over and over and he asks me to teach him guitar. (he's doing great with that ps) he still does all the dishes when i cook. i just love the man so much. :) so lucky to have him :)

3. after a ten day hiatus from the gym, the longest time in a year i have not worked out, i went back. awkward sentence structure. i am sore everywhere and it's great. amazing how much difference it makes for me to exercise. and my kickboxing instructor told me i have a tight butt. :) don't worry, she's a she.

4. starting a new major next monday. i have the problem, which im sure many can relate to, of wanting to major in everything. i just really love school and learning, and can picture myself doing anything from being a doctor, to teaching high school, to massaging people, to sports medicine, etc etc. but after much thinking, praying, and stressing, i have decided to do psychology. i want to counsel the sexually abused. and maybe eventually become a sex therapist. :) it just feels great to have something to work towards.

5. benny and i have embarked on a musical journey of epic proportions. we have started three new songs and our dreams involve stages and record deals. but mostly just having a good time with writing music. :)

yes, life is great. im in love with a sexy sexy man. there are eight sweet puppies living with us. only two more months till i get to enjoy the hours of gardening from november. summer is coming. soon.

new and shiny

it's a new year.
but i don't feel very new and shiny.
it's probably the weird cold i have had all week
and the 9 dogs who somehow came to live in my basement
who keep us up all night with their crying and whining
and pooping everywhere.
this very minute the huge black one i have named
"oprah"
is howling.

today, as i try to think of goals and ideas
for the new year,
i just feel old. tired. sick.

some really great things happened last year.
some really terrible things happened last year too.

i started school at the U.
(my third college in the list of my education)
and got straight A's :)

i met a dear friend who i know i knew
before this life.
His name is Levi Benjamin Shell
and we had linguistics classes together.
we write music together and just
really communicate well.

Travis got a job as a murray paramedic firefighter,
something he wanted his whole life.

travis and i took a trip to st george
where we climbed angel's landing
and i starting thinking he could be the guy.

my friend died of cancer.
She was young, beautiful, and smart.

travis and i got engaged.
i should tell that whole story sometime.
it involves a realtor's office and me storming out
pretending to be angrier than i really was.

i lost 30 lbs and got back into
a pants size i hadn't worn
since jr high.

my mom and i went to hawaii
and then lilian met up with me.
when i asked, the ocean let me know it was
a good choice to marry travis.

travis and i bought a house.
with great bones and wood floors.
and we have almost totally remodeled.

a friend i thought was my closest friend
let me down hard.

travis and i were married in the
Salt Lake City Temple.
we had a wonderful party and then
a honeymoon in Myrtle Beach, SC
where travis saw the ocean for the first time
and loved it.

i got a part time job
transcribing letters for eye doctors.
this job is a huge blessing
a blessing i can't wait to be
rid of. :)

travis and i went car shopping
and bought a car.

my mom became even more of
a sister, my dad a friend, and my
brothers hug me whenever i
go back to their house.

i made new friendships,
lost many more for choices i made
and ideas they had.

i dyed my hair blonde.
also a funny story.

i chose a major. finally.
in one year i will graduate with an
almost useless psych degree
and then two years of
grad school till i can counsel.

travis and i celebrated our first
married christmas. made some traditions.
surprised each other with gifts.

it was a good year. im ready for 2011.
still learning how to be married.
how to manage time.
how to be unselfish and kind even
when i feel like fighting and yelling.

this year i will be maintaining the straight A's.
recording an album with benny shell
not becoming pregnant. (ever)
and trying to be a better person than i was last year.