horn tooting

ok so i submitted a piece to a feminist blog a few weeks ago, not really thinking it would ever run, but they posted it! on the front page! :) i'm probably more excited than i need to be, but i really hope this explains a little more of what feminism is and why it's so important. it's very personal and i hope it doesn't offend any of you. i meant it to be helpful to anyone who is struggling with these kinds of problems.

this is the link: http://thefbomb.org/2011/04/dear-feminism/

check out the rest of the site; it's really great! :)

my obsession with the doodle

i can't stop googling pictures of these:

GOLDEN DOODLES!

basketful of doodles!

oh noes! doodle mated with a snuffleupagus !

seriously? have you ever seen such hilarious/adorable animals?


this is where they come from ^


they are allergy friendly, light to non shedding, smart, pleasers, and


extremely expensive. :(

(like everything else i like.
seriously take me to the D.I. and i will accidentally
find the most expensive thing in there
and it will be the thing i want.)

but i am scheming ways to afford one.

this will come to pass. :)

the late night ramblings

disclaimer: this post is way too long and way too ridiculous. don't feel pressured to read.


Nostalgia is a seductive liar. ~George Wildman Ball
Nostalgia is a file that removes the rough edges from the good old days. ~Doug Larson
Nostalgia is like a grammar lesson: you find the present tense, but the past perfect!
~Owens Lee Pomeroy
Everything can be killed except nostalgia for the kingdom, we carry it in the color of our eyes, in every love affair, in everything that deeply torments and unties and tricks.
-julio cortazar

I don't think nostalgia has to be negative.
-van morrison

I know what it's like to be in one place and dream of another. I also know what it's like to feel that nostalgia is a fairly useless thing because it is stasis.
-mira nair

in case it's unclear how i feel tonight, i feel homesick and nostalgic. it all started with my mumford and sons pandora station. you know how sometimes pandora or shuffle on the ipod seems to read your mood and keep playing those songs you love most? tonight as i was washing my face, pandora kept spitting out music i fell in love with when i lived in hawaii. band of horses, coldplay, and glen hansard.

when i lived there, it was like my all emotions were heightened. as i have mentioned before, that island helped me heal from many things that i struggled with. that music played an enormous role in the healing. sometimes i wish i could write those artists and thank them for writing the words i so needed to hear, but i'm sure they receive letters like that on a daily basis.

ever since i was a little girl, i have wanted to go back to "the before." the summer of 5th grade was especially great, and after it ended, i would daydream about those great days. i used to commit certain moments to memory and then go through all the moments over and over, so afraid i would forget the happiness. i guess i really struggle with letting go of good things.

so tonight i have been thinking about all the wonderful events in my life. i remember my first year of college, moving into an apartment filled with half naked gymnasts and football players, playing poker and dani california blasting from their stereo. those muscly girls hauled all my boxes of pots, pans, bedding, and even furniture up three flights of stairs and were welcoming, coarse language and all.

the first meal i cooked after moving out was spaghetti and meatballs, those terrible costco meatballs that you can literally warm up in the microwave. my roomates were impressed. and then i drove home that weekend, a mere four days later. i was speeding and got pulled over. totally pulled the "it's my first time away from home officer; i just miss my parents so much." line and didn't get a ticket. i was going at least 95.

i remember my first love leaving on an LDS mission, and just knowing i couldn't live without him. i saved his all voicemails on my phone, and late at night when sleep wouldn't come, i would listen to them over and over, sobbing. that first love was so sweet, such teenage puppy love, staying out till 4 every morning to go train watching, talking about nothing, and listening to brand new or bayside's acoustic cd. after he left, i couldn't listen to music for a long time.

i remember every time i would come home for a weekend, my three brothers running to the door to hug me. they seemed to grow so much those three years i was gone. it meant the world to me, their excitement. thinking about it now makes me cry. i love those boys so much.

then of course there was the year i spent living in hawaii. that first house, three miles from school, and that purple beach cruiser i borrowed from the tongans sharing our duplex. the first time i met erika dick, i knew we would be friends. she talked a hundred miles an hour while she hung up her colorful clothes in the closet we shared. our toenails were painted the same orange and we laughed about that. she had tegan and sara playing in the background on her laptop.

i remember riding my beach cruiser to the grocery store, tamuras, and smelling fish and mildew. the big brown woman who taught me about pineapples as i was picking one. i remember hitchhiking for the first time, asking the man if he planned on raping me before i would get in his car. we always took our books to the beach and pretended to study. i still have scars on my knees from the mosquito bites i got while talking to travis on the phone outside. we didn't get phone service in the house. he used to stay up late and talk to me, while i paced the beach park across the street from the house. it was usually raining.

obviously i am homesick. it's late and the iron and wine isn't helping at all. i guess the point of all this rambling, is that sometimes i feel like i'm bursting with all these memories that make me who i am. and i look at travis and wonder if he ever feels that way and if i could ever know all the memories that make him, him. and if it even matters. but it seems like it does. do you know what i'm trying to say here? do you ever feel so full of memories and so homesick for those times that you can't stand it almost? not in a sad feeling way exactly, but a filled kind of way?

there's an ingrid michaelson song that goes,

they say that home is where the heart is

i guess i haven't found my home
and we keep driving round in circles
afraid to call this place our own.
and are we there yet?

i really like the way maya angelou put it and i will leave this ridiculous post at this:

You can never go home again, but the truth is you can never leave home, so it's all right.

all the gross things you never needed to know

so lately i haven't been the best blogger evar. school has been sucking all motivation from my soul. oh but i love it so much! if i could just go to school for the rest of my life and not have to pay for it...

anyhow.

this is a small recap of life the past couple months.

• random jaw popping pain.

ok so when i started dieting, of course i had to have a replacement for my addiction to sweet food. i started chewing gum. like, a pack of gum in thirty minutes. in the back of my head it was like, "ok this is too good to be true... it's like candy without the calories! this will catch up to you." about a month ago, i woke up with this terrible pain in my ear. positive i had an ear infection, we went to the doctor that very same day. turns out, we paid instacare 40 bucks for the young, fiercely cocky doctor to tell me to stop chewing gum. apparently i have given myself arthritis and gotten my jaws all out of whack. somehow that hurts my ear. well i stopped chewing gum, but started chewing licorice and salt water taffy. so now, i have this terrible, jaw bone grinding, pop! anytime i swallow. this will not end well... ha!

maybe it's like this for you, but i swear i always have the most random sicknesses/physical problems! there was the terrible case of hives i had senior year, covering my entire body and face and head and they were literally the size of dinner plates. lasted one day.

then there was the time in my first year of college, we went hot tubbing. a few days later, i developed BOILS all over my body - boils filled with PUS and that took three months to go away. my roommates probably thought i had an std. some crazy bacteria. did anyone else who went hot tubbing that night get them? no way hosea.

then there's always the story about my first trip to the gyno. not sure it's really internet appropriate, but it involved the creepy old man, the scared 17 year old (me, lol this isn't that weird, you perv!) passing out and falling off the table, bumping my head. the doctor told me to stay put while he got some juice but i threw my pants back on and peaced out of there.

good grief i didn't mean for this post to turn into all the grossest things ever. back to the bullets?

• gardening!

we went flower shopping (!) and now have the most beautiful yard ever. if you remember our racist neighbor and his snarkish comments about our yard, you'll understand why i have to beat his yard this year. his grass really is extremely green though.

• new windows and the new front door. pictures soon to come.

• i'm all set up to graduate next spring. now i am trying to decide what master's program is the best fit. and next fall i get to start volunteering at the rape recovery center. there is a light at the end of the academiatunnel.

• travis's new name for himself: housewife bodtcher. he also has a theme song which i will try to catch on tape for you. but i don't know how i would do it without him. he does so much around the house and takes such great care of me. i try not to write about how great he is every post, but being married and in school has been the easiest semester ever.

basically life around here is the same as always. constantly laughing and running around in socks seeing who can slide the furthest down the hardwood floored hallway.

travis weighs more and that is the ONLY reason he always wins.

good night!

spring break in st. george

for spring break, travis and i drove to st george
to stay with my grandparents.

it was a much needed vacation.

we hiked snow canyon.

yes. it was necessary for him to even take video of this beaut.

-we spent time with my family, played hand and foot with the senior citizens from my grandparents retirement community, went to the st. george temple, and ate so much food! we went to an art exhibit, had a romantic bike ride at sunset, and went house hunting for travis's dad.

-we also learned that the extremely thin walls at my grandparents' weren't a newlywed's best pal.

-we laughed nonstop for the whole week. if there is something travis and i have going for us, it's our ability to be silly with each other, tease each other, and find humor in everything. driving down, i saw this huge, black, flapping shape on the side of the freeway. i thought it was an enormous bird, and pointed, saying, "WOW!" really loud. then i looked at travis to see what he thought about it, and he had this look on his face, like i was crazy. turns out the dark shape was a garbage bag. travis looks over to see his wife freaking out over a trash bag on the side of the road.

the rest of the trip he would periodically screech, "ka kaw ka kaw!" (bird sounds.)

marriage = hilarious.

garden wombs

it's march. which means...

my garden is blooming!

i have been having dreams all winter that the flowers bloom and are as big as my head and a little alice in wonderland-esque. they aren't quite that big yet, but travis and i peek outside several times a day, checking to see what else has popped up.

also, yesterday i was getting dressed, put on a shirt i hadn't worn in a while, and it seemed a bit tight around the midsection. the scale says i'm not gaining weight, but the shirt disagrees. so of course i freaked out, thinking i had to be pregnant. i took a pregnancy test that is supposed to take three minutes to decide, and it declared my womb empty after about 2 seconds. poof! red minus sign before the pee even had a chance to cool. ...(sorry...)

so basically the garden outside is blooming while the garden in my uterus is pretty boring. :)

ehem.

blooming in the womb- alan schwartz

sunshine, winning, and fat wieners

so i had a good moment on sunday, involving sunshine, winning, and fat wieners.

ok, before you click the red X at the top right, let me explain. i bet you will laugh at least a little.

after church on sunday, travis and i decided we needed to go outside and play. we had a new game, some kind of horseshoes thing, that needed breaking in, plus it was a gorgeous sunny day. we picked up travis's family on the way and headed to the park a few blocks from our house. we got to the park and set up the game and tossed the football around for a bit, just enjoying the day and the playful banter from the family.

well this guy is out walking his dogs, right, these two dachshunds who look a lot like this:

just the average looking, healthy dachshund, yes?

well as they walk by and are clear across the park at the other end, i tell my brother in law, kellen, "you have to see these fat dachshunds who live in our neighborhood!" and i start telling him all about how their bellies hang to the ground and when travis and i drive by, we drive by 3 or 4 times just to keep looking and travis finally has to drag me away because the owner has waved 3 times now and is looking suspicious.

the fat ones look like this, i promise

so anyway, i am telling kellen all about the dogs and how unbelievably fat they are, when the guy walking his thin dogs clear across the park turns around and yells at me, "are you talking about my wieners?!"

how in the great hell did he hear me from all the way across the park??

i yell back, "no, no sir your wieners look fantastic! i was not talking about your wieners at all because they look fit and nice!"

and then i realize that travis's family and the entire park has just heard me yell at a complete stranger how great his wieners are.

the intense and sappy love post

no matter how many times it happens, i am still amazed at how with the right attitude, we can take something terrible and make it into something great. our neighbor committed suicide almost two weeks ago. this was someone who travis always looked up to, as he was a firefighter for salt lake city. it was a painful, terrible thing for travis (and everyone else of course) to go through, especially because when travis was young his foster brother committed suicide. but in all this pain and sadness, God presents us with possibilities for growth and for good. because of this travis and i have grown closer and trusted each other with so much more. i honestly keep thinking, "how can i ever get any happier and feel closer to this man?" and then the next day comes and i literally can't believe how happy we are.

it's been amazing to be married and to trust each other on this level i never knew existed. tonight when i left the fire station and was waving goodbye to travis, i got tears in my eyes because i was sad to leave him. good grief, he'll be home in a day, but the thought of my best friend being separated from me for even a day was enough to make me cry. ha! i never thought this would happen to me. :)

when you're close enough to someone to marry them, you think you have some small idea of what loving them feels like. i had no idea it would ever feel like this, and i can only imagine how intense it will be in even another year. a tangible measure of this growth is in the story of our little bed. when we first got married, sharing a full sized bed was only a little short of torture. neither of us slept well and we were constantly fighting for space and covers. now, we smash together and have the best sleep of our lives. when we stayed at anniversary inn, the queen sized bed was way too big and we were happy to get back to our full. i wish i could express the joy and fulfillment i find in being married to travis, but words are pretty limited.

i just never knew i had the capacity to love someone so much and accept that kind of love in return.

ok, ok this is getting wayyy to serious. :) love you and hope you have a great night!

and if any of you think you need to make some remark about "just wait until you have kids" please keep it to yourself. im enjoying the time i have to be just with my husband :)

this old house (kitchen edition)

welcome to our home!
(new back door and molding)

amazing ksl classified finds

above is the afore mentioned fine china
and thanks to the many people
who give us their old things
like this beautiful hutch

BEFORE

i know you can't tell from the picture
but this kitchen was FILTHY!
we scraped the grease from the cabinets
and had to use oven cleaner to clean the walls.
pretty sad that the boydells, the previous owners
lived in this mess.

AFTER

we lucked out with the laminate floors in here
and the big windows. like the red chairs?
took forEVER! and travis's garage has
red paint all over. oops.
the curtains are vintage from my
grandmother's basement. :) my mom sewed the black part.

new countertop, sink, stove top, and backsplash.
my handihusband intalled everything!
with the help of his family of course.
but i was very proud that he figured out
the sink and countertop without much help at all.

BEFORE

AFTER

can't wait for the new windows :)

this old house

BEFORE

whenever anyone asks me what has been
going on lately? i tell them this:

lucky for us, underneath the green shag carpet
was a beautiful surprise: hardwood floors
that had never seen the light of day.
so travis and our brother-in-law josh
and of course randy, the best father-in-law ever
refinished them :)

i try to keep up with all the construction helping, but
let's face it, the guys don't let me do much.
so i did most of the cleaning, painting, and decorating!
this lovely find came straight from D.I. for $20

that map above my beautiful baldwin hamilton
was originally wrapping paper from a wedding gift.
the loveseat and coffee table came from an estate sale.
(along with a butt ton of free fine china from japan!)
i am planning to get a rug, maybe something that
looks like a persian rug? red perhaps?
and the paint color appears blue in these
pictures, but is really more of a green.

mostly old clutter i have had, plus that crown from ross.
it always confuses men who come over
(ha not that i have "men" over! that didn't sound right.
men = family, friends, home teachers, etc.)
but when women see it, they're like oh i love that.
kind of like how most guys who are over are like,
"that couch looks pretty old." but the gals love it.

can you believe people lived with this carpet? ^

i much prefer this. :)

this room's improvements were:

6 can lights
refinished floors
patching the many holes in the wall
new primer
fresh new paint
new (ish) furniture and such
new baseboards and crown molding
and soon a new front door!

buying a fixer upper has been soooooooooooo much work
but it is starting to pay off.

mighty fine cookin' and the mouse in the house

last night travis and i cooked

the easiest, most delicious dinner.
and because i am (provo girl voice) "super nice"
and mostly a showoff
i thought i would share it with you!

yukon gold potatoes, or yellow potatoes, are delicious. they are the common potato in europe and south america and have a very sweet taste. so you cut those bad boys up, throw em in a pot with olive oil and of course a bit 'o' butter, salt and pepper, parsley and other country spices, and a bit of paprika. then you stir them up, put the lid on top, and wait.

pork roast in the crock pot. probably the easiest thing in the entire world, yes? so in the morning, put the entire frozen slab 'o' meat in the crockpot. add lipton onion soup mix, some garlic cloves, onion, thyme, fennel, (again some red pepper for a little kick) and then a cup and a half to two cups of water on top of it all. don't forget to turn the crockpot on :)

asparagus is so cheap right now and we have been loving it. not much beats fresh asparagus. you can steam or do what we did here with a pan. add some water and let it cook with the lid on. then drain the water, and over the heat add butter (my feeling on veggies is that if at least you're eating them it's just fine to slather on the butter.) salt, pepper.

then! you have a home cooked feast!
so glad travis talked me into the white dishes.
after the saleslady told us they were bone china
travis took the bowl and stood on top of it
to see if she was right about them being strong.

and this may or may not have been right before i screamed to travis that there was a mouse in the front room. (there wasn't a mouse, but now i know exactly how terrified of mice he really is.) he started saying "where?! i am not sleeping here tonight! where did he go?!" and i felt so bad that i started laughing hysterically and told him the truth, at which point he may or may not have called me an ass.

sometimes he's right. :)

happy cooking!

girlfrands :)

He who knows all the answers has not yet been asked all the questions.

- Author unknown

after a weekend of talking to some smart women,
liana and alyssa, i am ready to take on
the next week with a better attitude.

this week will be filled with optimism,
creativity, service, and excitement.
enough with the negativity.

thank goodness for these dear friends
who are real women with sass
who make me feel better about life.

happy end of february!

time to kill and gifts from mother nature

it's friday morning. i don't have school fridays. i slept in until 9 today and i have done absolutely nothing except watch ugly betty and shop online for rugs. and bistro sets for the patio. don't worry. i haven't spent any money. so this is why i am posting yet another silly sonreir piece.

*side note: the name of my blog, sonreir, has special meaning to me. sonreir is a spanish verb meaning 'to smile'. i have kept this word on the banner of my phone (you know how some phones give you the option to keep a word in the middle of the screen) for the past four years. :) it reminds me not to take life too seriously and to smile.

so after that crazy man on trax, i have been thinking about all the funny things that happen to me. it seems that i am always put in situations that are awkward and silly. i don't know if i just capitalize on them more than other people or if they really do happen all the time. either way, i was remembering some of the great moments from last year and thought i would share one of my favorites.

treadmill farts

so i work out at gold's gym. for those of you who don't, they have a room called cardio cinema. this room has a butt ton of cardio equipment like treadmills, stationary bicycles, ellipticals, etc. and then there's the huge movie screen in front. there are dim lights on the walls, much like a movie theater has. it's a great place to hide in the dark and work up a good man-sweat. (some women have the luxury of "glistening" but i am not one of these fortunate. i sweat like my dad.)



so the gym, like any other public place, has a set of unspoken rules. you know, like clean up your equipment when you're finished, give people appropriate space, mop up your man-sweat with a clean towel, clean the machine when you're done, don't stare for too long at someone's nice body parts i.e. backside, abs, **fake cleavage, etc. you know the drill.

**i take no issue with fake boobs. i plan to get some myself when im forty and things aren't so perky.

so in the cardio cinema there are the same kinds of unspoken rules, but the added twist is that movie theater rules also apply, say don't talk to your neighbor during the movie. well, one morning im going to town on the elliptical and an older, bigger man gets on the one next to me. even though there are clearly 64 empty ones not so close to me. he gets on and starts going and immediately turns to me and says, "oh i love this movie! it's so funny! what's it called? what's it about again?"

the movie playing was how to lose a guy in ten days, one of my all time favs. (lol) and if this guy loves the movie so damn much, how come he has to ask me what it's about. so i quietly give him the title of the movie and then pointedly look back at the screen. he does not take the hint and keeps talking to me about the movie and i notice he is staring at my bod. in a not so subtle way. this room is dark and this man is creeping me out. so after ten more minutes of this, i decide to take matters into my own hands.

during the middle of his comment to me about the movie, i let out a fart. not a "testing the waters fart" but a full blown, rumbler. it's so loud that he stops talking. wait, did she just...?

oh yes middle aged creeper. she did.

and then, luckily for me, my "wind" so to speak, was not only loud, but was accompanied with an offensive odor. clear-the-room offensive. i watched as the smell wafted his way and in the dim light could see him stiffen and his face wrinkle in disgust. then, for good measure, i let out another. it was even louder. and the smell was in full force. he kept looking at me in disbelief as i let out seriously half a dozen more.

then without any warning, he got off the elliptical even though he had a good five minutes left on his workout. and i was in that dark room giggling all alone.

thank you mother nature, for sending me the finest weapon at the right moment.

the charles-bodtcher valentine's

good morning and happy valentine's day!

i did what i could on limited budget and time.
the red chairs have worked very well for themed
christmas and valentine's meals.

the valentine's breakfast i was too excited for.
it worked out perfectly because sunday night
travis and i were talking on the phone
"i forgot my house key. could you unlock the door
in the morning?"
and i pretended to be a grump.
"ill be asleep! travis why didn't you
remember your key? i guess i can
let you in."

ha! and then he got home and breakfast was
frying up and i was wide awake :)

that night travis cooked me a romantic valentine's feast

isn't he a looker!?

garlic sauted shrimp on a bed of fettuccine
with a white cream and red pepper sauce, fresh steamed asparagus,
and a butter and garlic reduction on a crispy french bread.

(i may or may not watch too much "chopped")

i have developed a love of house plants.
so travis found a beautiful jade plant.
in his words,
"you can not water them and they won't die!"

thanks for the faith there, honey. :)

after dinner we treated ourselves to some spoon me.


all in all a very honest and heartfelt valentine's at our place :)